To say it's been an interesting week is to put things mildly.
After receiving a job offer on Monday and having a terrible day at work Tuesday, I decided to walk away from my position at the library with no notice. There was a great deal of unanticipated heartache and exhaustion.
It's been a hard two days.
That being said, I'm excited to begin my work with SAGE Publishing, where I'll be a product associate; essentially, I will be responsible for ensuring that all of the necessary tasks happen so that academic books can be published on time. Project management is one of my strong suits, so while the position will be challenging, I also think I'll find it rewarding.
And while the job is temporary, I am being considered for 3 other positions at the moment.
Things are finally starting to look up and it's also looking like I'll have more time to write soon, which has been a goal of mine for awhile now.
We speak easily about change, growth, and conflict in terms of the characters we create, and sometimes fail to account for its impact on ourselves as authors. If life were a straight line and there was no tension or risk to take, we wouldn't be living out stories worth telling. It's a good reminder, I think - particularly when times are hard.
I have lost myself on countless occasions during the past 9 months and am very slowly rediscovering who I am, what drives me, what I want to do, where I want to go. After living to satisfy the demands of others, I am finally sparing some thought for myself. It's more difficult than I imagined it would be, and so, so worth it.
I read somewhere recently that if something makes you feel good during but then leaves you feeling awful afterward, it is poison. I think we all probably ingest poison every day, unthinkingly, and wonder why we're not at peace. From overindulging in substances and unhelpful behaviors to people-pleasing and subscribing to the harmful ideals embedded in the mythos of the American Dream. Peace never finds us under these conditions.
I am not utterly at peace, even now, but I like to think I'm making myself more easily discoverable by being fully open to it. I no longer tolerate shame tactics and a refusal to listen. I no longer serve others blindly. I ask for what I need. I belong to myself, love myself, show up for myself. I see those who remain by my side through the hard times and the good.
I'm trying, and I think that's the best any of us can do.
And while some of what I write might not instantly feel like it belongs on a writer website, for me it does. Because this writing journey is inseparable from MY journey as a human. My storytelling is rooted in experience of myself and others and the world. As I go new places, so will my writing. As I choose new paths, I'd like to think that I gain a boldness that is made manifest in the stories I choose to tell, the words I choose to share, the humanity I choose to connect with and explore.
I hope you agree, and I hope that you're looking forward to what's coming as much as I am.
I think it's going to be pretty great.